It’s been a while since I write something personal here on my blog. I was supposed to write a year-ender post late December last year but I decided to take my time to reassess first on my priorities and on my problems.
I only allow myself to be more active on my IG and Twitter accounts, because why not? But I wanna be at peace with myself at first, and to be well before I write. You see, I’ve been down since you-know-when, actually I lost track of time on when and why I’m so down since last year. So here’s my story.
I’ve been so down and stressed out since last year, and I’m having serious anxiety attacks since september or october of last year. I was so down and I’m forcing myself to wake up early because “adulting duties” but the pressure has been so high that I feel like I’m going to be smashed into pieces. I keep it to myself (except for some closest friends) until early this year.
added to that were the set of problems that I have to face (along with the family) – series of health scares, house scares and breakdowns, government payments, financial breakdowns – all of this were so unexpected and IDK how to overcome them all.
I was thinking, was it my fault at all? is it really worth it? am i really happy? what really makes me happy? are they really helping me at all? I need answers to all my questions until I realize that:
- they only offer false promises.
- they really want me out.
- they’re not happy and fulfilled with the contributions that I did for the past few years.
- and I’m not happy anymore.
So I started this year “Marie Kondo-ing” everything that doesn’t sparks joy in my life, from my burdens to heartbreaks to the people around me and on social media, to my office job (yes I resigned) and to the clutter that is around me. I started writing on my daily pursuits on my journal and creating a “to-do list” is very helpful. I went back to school to take up a specialization class. went back to freelancing and SEO consultation.
So far, I found joy in learning and I’ve been challenging myself to do more complex codes. I guess this is really the path that I really want in my career.
I am also inspired with creative artists on IG, and maybe I’ll share my creative spread from my journal soon. Maybe a vlog can also do. Been thankful for support groups from fb and reddit for tips and inspos.
I am now taking my time, just like my favorite blogger Tricia Gosingtian did. and it’s been healthy, very thankful that I did it even if it’s such a short time.
So what’s next for me and on this blog?
I went back to events blogging again for I really miss my blogger friends. I plan on revamping my blog once again. I’m currently looking for a web design and development gig where I can hone my skills in design and programming (hire me!). I’ll still continue with the SEO/digital marketing, it’ll be a bundled SEO/Dev projects. And yes i’ll be back to travelling and hiking soon.
And maybe (just maybe) I’ll have myself checked. to experience sudden bouts of depression and anxiety and social attacks is no joke. IDK, Maybe if i have the courage to do this myself then it’s a feat. I don’t wanna do this with someone around me. Will do this to myself. Maybe one of this days.
So for this I’d like to apologize for the lack of posts since last year, for lacking updates and for not posting some of the events that I attended. I’ve been facing my inner demon, and I’m taking my time to face them and conquer them all.
Thank you, everyone. for reading this lengthy post. Will update my blog every now and then and share my adventures soon! 🙂
ps: I’m very much ok now compared to last year. 2018 overall is a challenging year for me and for my family and I believe that 2019 will be my revival year. Sharing with you some pics of the people who has helped me through this transition, my reason why I need to move forward and to chase my elusive dream. so bye for now, enjoy!